I have personally never lost anyone that I love unconditionally.
About 2 months ago I wrote a letter to my Grandmother on my Blog, as if I knew what was coming.
Let me tell you something, I have been fearing her death for a few years and no matter how many times people tell you prepare yourself, nothing really prepares you for the raw emotions that will follow upon receiving that phone call.
I planned a trip to Mosselbay well in advance for the weekend of the 25th of June. My grandmother passed away on Wednesday 23 June. I literally just missed her, missed the opportunity to hug her one last time and tell her I love her. How do you deal with that? Well I don’t know. This still bothers me very much. I have however chosen to remember the lively her, the energetic healthy grandmother instead of the image that I had the last 6 months.
How do you deal with these sudden outbursts of raw pain and extreme sadness? You cry. Wherever you are, you just let the tears flow and you cry your little heart out. And you call his or her name and you tell them out loud how much you wish they were still here and that you hope they are OK. Take a space in a room and dedicate that corner to that person so that they are with you every day. It has been 3 weeks now which is still very very raw, I have my ups and my downs, I will be driving or standing in a grocery store and then suddenly just BOOM. My husband is a Trooper by the way, I have been all over the show, all kinds of angry and just a complete nutcase, he really is my strength.
You know what sucks, just the thought of knowing she is alive.
And yes you are allowed to shout at those who tell you she’s in a better place. Because even though you know its true, the selfish me would prefer her here.
Our souls will always be connected.